"Obama is Palling Around With Dead People!"

A new statement from the McCain campaign accuses Obama of palling around with dead people.

In a short statement this evening, the McCain campaign claims Senator Barack Obama is now showing his true self. After the tragic death of Obama's grandmother, it is now clear that Obama associates himself with dead people, the McCain campaign says.

"The American people fears death," John McCain says to 5080 and continues: "I think it is partly because dead people are a terrible tax burden to all Americans. Obama should therefore denounce his dead pals, as soon as possible".

Plans Being Made for Obama Presidency, Pentagon Officials Say

The Pentagon is not going to be caught by surprise if Senator Barack Obama wins the election. It is now making preparations to become an Islamic terrorist organization.

The sweeping plan includes implementing a “cell structure”, similar to those used in other terrorist organizations. Thus, any identity markers, such as names and numbers on doors, phone directories and the like, are to be removed. If one office should be compromised, it will not be capable of revealing the locations of any other offices.

Messages are to be delivered by couriers to avoid known methods of intercepting electronic communication. “We are well-informed about counter-terrorism strategies” said one Pentagon official who asked that his name be withheld.

The biggest change will be seen in the Media Relations Department. “You have to keep in mind that we are a very professional organization”, said another Pentagon official with knowledge of the plan. “Our equipment is of such high quality that making authentically low-cost productions, like the ones posted on YouTube by other terrorist organizations – it’s proving to be a challenge.”

Lighting and camera crews, in particular, felt that their equipment was too expensive to properly convey the realistic feel of traditional beheading movies.


Pentagon is making preparations to become a terrorist organization

Whatever the challenges the new role for the Pentagon will bring, methods developed during the War on Drugs and War on Terror will become very handy in the War for Muslim Values. Said one official: “The most important thing will be to spin the challenges and the victories in our own interest, and just try to stay on top of the mess. I remain convinced that we will continue to blow up people during our new, merciless jihad against the infidel, Zionist hordes", he said.

McCain Seeks to Unite the Nation by Voting For Obama

The American presidential candidate John McCain states that he will vote for the democratic candidate, Barack Obama. This action is a part of McCain’s personal ”bi-partisan act”. – This nation is too great to be torn apart by bitter fights between republicans and democrats, he says to 5080.

McCain claims that the financial crisis is an important reason for the timing of his shift in strategy. – When the the nation bleeds, party politics becomes second, he continues.

McCain’s campaign would like to emphasis that this, in no way, means he will withdraw his candidacy. ”In times like these, America needs an experienced, tax-cutting maverick such as McCain”, the campaign writes on its website. It also says that the McCain campaign expects Obama to be equally decent and polite, and vote for John McCain. ”In fact, we expect all democrats to leave party politics behind and cast their votes for senator John McCain in this difficult period”.

Drastic actions from the republican candidate

The Obama campaign replies that they feel it would be a disrespectful gesture of Obama to give his vote to the republican candidate. – John McCain obviously wishes change. We will honor that wish in the best possible way. We need to treat our war heroes with dignity, vice presidential candidate Joe Biden comments to 5080.